"Parenting is not a selfless act. It's an act of self-care. When we care for ourselves, we can better care for our children."

- Dr. Dan Siegel

In my early motherhood days, people would often tell me, "Take care of yourself", and I would think "How in the world am I supposed to do that?!"

Self-care felt elusive when I could barely take a 5 minute shower alone before my baby started crying. For a lot of people, becoming a parent means that you have to prioritize everyone else and often your needs come last because babies, toddlers, and dinners cannot wait, but you can.

However, over time, I've made a series of changes that has allowed me to be attuned to what I truly need and prioritize that. I admit that I still occasionally choose to scroll through Instagram over a 20 minute exercise, but that's not the norm. Nowadays, I have a solid exercise routine, solo outings and even the occasional nap!

They didn't happen overnight and a few pieces of the puzzle needed to fall into place, but putting yourself last shouldn't be the narrative that runs your life!

To help you get started, here are the steps summarized into 4Ps that will change your self-care game as busy parent 👊

1. PAUSE & observe

Practise mindfulness and self-compassion by PAUSING and observing ourselves without judgement. Take notice of what is happening and what you’re feeling with love. As you observe what you're going through, ask yourself, "What do I really need?". Consider which regulation system (more about this below) will bring you back into balance and which part of yourself (mind, body, soul) needs nourishment to help you feel well. Go beyond the first answer the pops into mind and find the need that will really feed your wellbeing.

If you're not sure what I mean by regulation system, this free guide explaining the secrets to self-care for parents (who can never seem to find the time) is what you need!

2. PRIORITISE the PRODUCTIVITY you really need

Don't wait for time to be given to you. Self-care is 100% a form of productivity. Schedule it in and put in healthy boundaries so that you can put yourself first. This might look different for everyone. Sometimes all you need is a hug or a warm bath. But sometimes you need a little bit more and you may have to organise for childcare, seek support, say no or simply do something intentionally for yourself even when your children are around. You are worthy.

3. Be PURPOSEFUL

Have you ever wanted a piece of cake for dessert, then felt unsatisfied after eating it? They key here is to be purposeful when we do the things that matter so that we can fully relish in the nourishment and delight those moments bring. When was the last time you closed your eyes and enjoyed a piece of chocolate melting on your tongue whilst you did absolutely NOTHING ELSE? Try it. Whatever self-care regime you've chosen for yourself, take a moment to really savour it and let it nourish your senses.

4. PRACTISES into routines

The only way to build a skill is to practise it. No judgements when you don't get it right, instead tell yourself, "I'm still practising this and I will get better". Find ways to incorporate these practices into your routines if they are not already naturally integrating. A good way to do this is to pick one routine in your morning where you tend to think about your day ahead and start pausing during that routine. For example, when you're brushing your teeth, you might already be thinking about all the things you need to do. As you do that, use it as a cue to pause and take stock of what you need.

Did you know? It takes only 21 days to form a new habit. Try these 4Ps for 3 weeks and you will form a new habit that will change your self-care routine forever.